I feel kinda bad though, I really gave Jeff the shit end of the stick last night. I was real honest as to what I would have done if Dad had gone through with it. I would’ve been totally self destructive and I just got over being self-destructive less than two years ago. Last night I had a stiff voddy and OJ and called it good. I got the gumption from it that I needed to face him.
“Now all I need is midget with some gin and I’ll be in business!”
If anyone knows where that is from, let me know please! I hate quoting without a source. I heard it on the radio and it was really appropriate to my mood.
So we went over to his house and I walked up to him and grabbed his face and gave him a huge kiss and told him I loved him and went over to give mom a hug. I think I surprised the shit out of him. I haven’t kissed my dad in ages. He seemed nervous before that but I think he chilled out after a while. Then when we left I smooched him again and gave him a hug that lasted longer than the hug he gave me and I told him I loved him.
And I wasn’t scared of him once. He has lost that edge over me. He can’t make me cry or feel ashamed for nothing anymore. Because I am not like him. Not in the way he thinks I am. He just proved it. I feel sorry for him now, but I have no patience for it anymore. I am tired of feeling like I am not good enough, and I won’t anymore. Hopefully he can handle that, and maybe it’s something he needs. I don’t think he ever meant to scare me, I just ended up that way due to his actions. I hope it bothers him.