"the look"
2004-01-28

Now girls, you know that look we have…? That look we can give a man when he comes up behind us and wraps his arms around you and practically growls down your neck? The look we give his as we turn around to face him, where we look down until we are face to face and then we coyly raise our baby blues (in my case anyway) to his eyes? Where you raise one eyebrow and slowly smile? I gave someone that look last night and he went freakin nuts. I have never been told that I was “So god damned sexy sometimes that it hurt.” I was all melty inside. The thing I like about the look is that it is not planned for the most part. Sometimes you do it to be cute and sensuous, but every once in a while you do it completely without premeditation and forethought and when that happens it can be magic.

Ah l’amour.

Last night he got home late and I was being a bum and playing Eternal Darkness as usual (That game is FUCKED UP) and so when he got home I had just lifted my happy ass off the couch and started making dinner. I love dinnertime in my house. We usually turn on some good music or TV and we cook together. I usually decide what we are having but he helps out. So last night we had lean pork and salad and stove top and baked beans. Not exactly gourmand but close. We ate off our good plates and used the nice silverware we just bought and we sat at the coffee table in front of our 51-inch flatscreen and suddenly I realized that life is good. It had nothing to do with any of our material possessions, but the fact that we could have them. The fact that we work hard to live the way we do. The fact that we are in need of nothing. That is a nice way to feel. I tried very hard to make it that way though, especially last night, because we found out the hard way that Jeff’s father’s house is going on the market. This is the house that 3 generations of Jeff’s family has lived in and when his dad died about 5 years ago his mother decided to put it on the market. One of the stipulations of the selling agreement was that the new owner had to offer it back to the family first. Now both Jeff and Justin are upset. Their father and grandfather put their hearts and souls into building that cottage and now neither of them can afford it.

This place is not easy to live in, there is snow half the year and you are on a lake, in the northern part of PA, near NY. This is not a place for a California native. Not without some practice anyway, but I told Jeff that if moving to PA was what I had to do to be with him, then so be it. I just wasn’t expecting that the guy would want out so soon. Winter is harsh, he has only been there for 2 years now and I guess this second winter did him in. Pussy. I think I could do it.

I guess I am upset because I was kind of expecting to live there. To go and at least see where Jeff was from. Now I may never get the chance. When we started talking about wanting to buy a house in the next little while I had hopes for PA.

I dunno. Everything about this got really complicated really quickly.

I have work to do I guess.

Pleh, too many thoughts for an un-caffeinated Dog!

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