Ok so here’s the real deal. Everyone I am going with is really excited, but I could give a shit less. I am not full all the time, I had to completely revamp my fridge and my pantry and I can tell that Jeff hates it too. (He is eating what I eat to make me feel better) The problem is that I weigh 270 pounds, putting on an impressive 25 lbs. over the holiday season. I can still get into an 18/20, but I weigh enough for someone who is wearing 26/28. When the chicky at WW took my weight she looked baffled, looking at me and then the scale about three times, zeroing it, and taking it again to no change. She said I must have a lot of muscle underneath all that. Fucking thanks you bleeding cunt. I better be a damned body builder underneath all this shit. I wanted to smack her. Now don’t give that bullshit. Ya know what I mean? It’s hard enough being a fat chick going to listen to a bunch of skinny people tell you how to eat, don’t try and make me feel better about it ok? The point of this rant is this: I don’t want to go. I hate it, but I am going to keep going so I no longer have to hear about it from everyone around me. I am sick and tired of people worrying about my health. I know why they do, and I appreciate it, but I am tired of it. Yet they are all amazed that I am doing this, and really happy and supportive. I am appreciating it and that is the only thing that will help.
I can’t look that bad, I still get hit on.
So despite my depression over this whole thing, I have been doing an awesome job of eating well and drinking lots of water and stuff (I pee once an hour now, it sucks). I gave my sister 5 bags of groceries so I wouldn’t have to sit there and look at how I used to eat and be sad. I am also letting my parents take our deep fryer. We are sticking to steaming and ye ole George Foreman. Obviously this is a tremendous step for me, and the most drastic one I have ever taken. If this doesn’t work… surgery. Heh heh heh.
So in other news, not much. Jeff and I doing really well, and we are superbly happy with each other! (cheese) We are going to his mom’s this weekend to visit and do some house shopping. He has also been online looking at rings and asking my opinion. I finally just told him that he should pick one, because it is the meaning and not the ring that I care about. So how’s that for some freaky news? I wonder if Jeff is the “One”? We shall see, we have lived together really well so far. It is really good dating a responsible smart guy, he makes me feel confident and good about myself despite the infamous low self-esteem I seem to have had lately.
And the sex helps.
Ok that’s all for now, I do have work to do you know…