See, lately my dad has been very open with me about me getting over my meth addiction and he has been blatant when it comes to telling me about his. Not currently, but when he was my age. I think I have ADD but he thinks I am just still getting over being a fat druggie. The dream consisted of me, my dad, Tim and another friend of mine sitting around passing a meth bong. I always want more and I never feel any different, but it is affecting everyone around me. Just not me, and I crave it, I want to smoke more, but no one will pass it to me and I just sit there and stare at the drugs wishing I felt something. It's weird.
Last night was worse though, cuz we were sitting around doing it cuz my mother had died. You know how dreams are so real? It was odd. We watched my mom's death occur, she and my little sister, and then we had to go home and my dad lost it. Sister Sarah and I had to take care of everything. Then when Jeff woke up for work this morning he woke me up enough to come out of this dream and I was glad, cuz it SUCKED BALLS. Yet I went back to the dream once I fell asleep. It was harsh, that never happens when I want it to. Then the dream just got worse. So when he finally left for work he came in to give me a kiss and I woke up sobbing. I couldn't go back to sleep. It was like 6 AM. I thought about calling mom to see if she was ok, but she was already at work and wouldn't answer her phone anyway.
I am still freaking out. And I am trying to last until lunch without a cigarette. Out of necessity though, I am broke and I ran out of smokes.
Well, I guess I will get back to work, it's too early to write.
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