Speaking of which... I think maybe this weekend my boy and I can go look at places. We are trying to get out in 4 weeks, maybe 6 weeks, but let me tell ya, my parents are driving me nucking futs. Every little altercation is a personal attact on them since I apparently think that I can be an asshole since I am moving out. Or at least that's the idea I am getting. Then there is also the fact that when they do want me around, I am bloody obligated to stop whatever it is I am doing and pay attention to whatever it is they want me to do. Can't they just make appointments like everyone else? For christ's sakes! I am too set in my ways... the month they were gone was freaking great. I hate being told to do shit, and I especially hate it when I am expected to do things that are totally unnecessary.. point in case... I came home from work last week on Thursday I think, and I was TIRED... I had a rough day and all I wanted to do was sit and chill and drink a beer. Yet my mom was cleaning the house. So when I sat down I immediately got bitched at because I was just sitting there watching my mom do all this work. Now I pay rent, and I work all day and she is off lately. I had been home for about 10 minutes. I was already in trouble. This shit happens all the time. I am too old to be in trouble. With my parents anyway. We just don't get along, its why I moved out in the first place. I think moving in with Jeff will be the best thing... and god knows it can't happen soon enough.
Speaking of Jeff, we had a great weekend. We went to Wallyworld and just kinda browsed. It was the best time I had ever had at walmart. We looked at random crap, like a couple would, for filling up a new house. It made me realize just how opposite domestically we are though, which was cool and funny at the same time. At one point I caught him looking at baby stuff.... I gave him the eyebrow and tried to look stern, but I started looking too. We didn't get in there and browse, but we definetly looked hard. Then we spent about a million years in the electronic department.
The whole weekend was really great. My dad gave him some comics, I think they really kinda started that whole bonding thing finally. I know my dad is a hard guy to get any type of approval from, it's still practically impossible for me still, to this day, so I appreciate how much Jeff tries. I think sometimes that he needs to not worry about it as much. If he looks like he just cares about me a lot, my dad will like him. Now my mother said the other night, "And to think, a year ago, I thought my daughters would both be single for the rest of their lives, and now in less than a year I may have them both married off and out of the house." I just smiled.
The only crap part of the weekend is when he left. It just doesn't get any easier. I sat outside for about 15 minutes crying just praying to see his headlights coming back down the road. I can't seem to fathom that its only five days. It seems like an eternity. It is an eternity. Only to some, but I am one of that some. I just can't seem to understand how three days goes by so quickly but five days takes a million years. I have fallen really hard for this guy. I can not imagine my life without him... I no longer see a future that he is not a part of. See, I have been writing in this journal, a paper one, an actual pen and ink kinda thing. In it I write about my thoughts and feelings about random things having to do with him. Things I can't really talk about here. I decided on a whim one day that I would give him this journal the day he asked me to marry him. I have told him about it, but not about that part, he just kinda guessed that, and he seems to be pretty keen on the idea. I want our life to be documented, so our children can see, and so on and so forth. I want to remember when I am 86, just how good it felt to be 26 and falling in love. I want him to be able to remember it too. I don't think I will write in it much after we do get married, if we do get married, because that will be a whole different plot line with new characters and new rules, but this one, this one will be the beginning. A day by day, roughly, account of our first days, leading up to the inevitable. At least... what I hope is the inevitable.
I want him to be my last boyfriend ever. I am too tired and too old to go find love again. I am glad it found me this time, and I wasn't really looking for it, and I didn't think I was ready for it, but despite all that, my gut is telling me to stick with it.
It may be the smartest decision I have ever made.
Only time will tell.
OK enough for now, I am sure you all have something better to do.
;)